Life is like a rollercoaster...

Wow, it has been a little over 4 years since I last wrote a blog post. A lot has happened in my life since then, although it doesn't feel like it until I sit and think about it.

My life really has been full of ups and downs since I last posted.

Sadly I think the downs have definitely got to me more than the ups. I am unsure right now if I am currently on the way up again or going back down but I am hoping that 2015 might be an up and I will have less downs from now on.

This blog post I think is going to be more for me than anyone else. If you happen to read this and want to comment (please be nice!) that would be lovely but I finally feel as though I need to write this down. Looking back through my blog has been hard. Seeing the happy times and knowing how wrong it all went is harder than it really should be, but sadly that's life.

Since I last posted I have got engaged, moved out of my parents house, changed the name of my business and build a reasonably steady website. 2011 was an up for me, everything seemed to be going well, sadly that didn't continue. 2012 I broke up with my fiancée and all my dreams came crashing down. I was suddenly living alone which was something I had never wanted to do. I got myself a little puppy. Quite simply the cutest little guy ever. He became my reason for getting up in the morning and continuing to carry on. 

By the summer I had met someone else. This was unfortunately to be my worst mistake ever. He messed me about continuously but stupidly I stayed. We moved in together and my little puppy went to live with my parents. My life became a constant tip toeing around him, never knowing how he was going to be from one day to the next, not knowing if today was going to be a good day or a bad one. We did have some good times and there are a few things I can look back on fondly but mostly it was a nightmare. One positive thing about my new partner was that he did encourage me with my handmade business and took me to my first few craft fairs. I also merged my craft business with a shop and Creative Hobby Supplies was born (I still work there now).

Thankfully by summer 2013 the relationship ended. It did however leave me a complete mess and I struggled for quite a few months to sort myself out. Trying to find my feet again after him telling me for so many months that I was nothing without him was very, very hard. I did a few stupid things and for a long time didn't want to 'do' life any more, but slowly I managed to pick myself back up.

2014 held a few bumps for me again, I met someone who really liked me but sadly I just didn't feel the same and then later in the year the opposite happened and I realised how I need to keep my heart more protected and be less open with my feelings so that I don't allow myself to be hurt so much again. I have gone back onto my antidepressants. A lot of people keep telling me this was a bad idea. Maybe for them it would have been but for me it has worked. I'm not on a particularly high dose but it's enough to help me along and keep me out of the black hole that I never want to enter again. I have also cleansed my life of negative people. I have very few friends and even fewer now but I couldn't deal with the people I called friends being in my life and causing me even more upset and hurt, friends are supposed to support and be a happy thing not cause you more issues. This was hard to do but I think in the end has been good for me mentally.

I changed the direction of my handmade business and had a rebrand in early summer and Buttons & Bows Boutique was born. This resulted in an amazing few months of school and summer fairs. I finally had something that people wanted to buy and spent most of May and June making stock and attending fairs. This did me the world of good. It kept my mind off of all the negative and gave me something to focus on.

Towards the end of summer and mid Autumn I had problems with the ex from my bad relationship. This finally resulted in a trip to the police station, thankfully nothing more has happened and I hope that I can say he is finally removed from my life, and I have finally realised just how much better off I am for it. 

I booked a lot of craft and school fairs again for Christmas and enjoyed every minute. Meeting lots of other lovely craft sellers and customers, it all came to an end far too quickly! 

I didn't enjoy Christmas and New Year as much as I would have liked, I didn't really want to spend them single again but I am trying my best to stay positive and have lots of plans to try and make this year a better one with less of the downs. I want to take my business further and I would love to find my papercraft mojo again and maybe start scrapbooking once more, as I have pretty much neglected this since the break up with my fiancée all that time ago at the beginning of 2012!

Phew, that pretty much brings us up to date I think. I have done some crafty projects in between these times as well as all my items that I have sold with my business, they have just been different from what I was sharing before all this happened. 

If you have managed to read all the way through then thank you and I look forward to sharing more positive things with you in the future!

Happy Crafting and Happy New Year,

Maxine x